Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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