and next time when you feel me up, do it right
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
