Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
