a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize