do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize