moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
