giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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