the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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