Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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