Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
