bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my fart just growled at me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
