Christians are straight up FREAKS
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
high people should be assigned attendants
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
