Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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