So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
