Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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