I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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