I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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