Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
