I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
