I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
