I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
