I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
barbara walters just said penis...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
