Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm at about main and main street
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
