Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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