I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
