I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
