Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
