Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
