I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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