Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
