If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
