i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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