In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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