Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
