i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
