it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
