Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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