Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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