i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
