just come out here and I will go home with you...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
