So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
