Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize