I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
