I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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