what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
