I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
