no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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