Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize