First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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