Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
