found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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