brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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