my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
