Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
