This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
