So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize