How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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