you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
