Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize