This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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