Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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