Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
