Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
