Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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