Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
