In the future we'll all be gay
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you inspire me to be a worse person
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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