The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You ever have a fart follow you around?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
