Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
