I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
