I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
