so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize