i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
