I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Terrible idea I love it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
