she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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