I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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