I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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