It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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