i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
