Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
