you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize