dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
