It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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