walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
