STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im part way to drunk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
