either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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