forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I CAN MOONWALK!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
