i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
