I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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