I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
