how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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