He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
